Stranger in Your Own Land

On November 27, we will be heading back to Rwanda once more.  But this time it will be very different, because both of our children, Bronwyn & Caleb, will be remaining behind in Canada.  Since they are now each studying at Crandall University, we will be officially entering the “Empty Nest” chapter of our lives.  With Caleb “repatriating” back into life in Canada, we thought it might be interesting to get some glimpses into what that process is like.  So we went to our “Resident Expert” in the matter, Bronwyn, who went through this same experience more than four years ago.

Darrell - It is now four-and-a-half years since you left Rwanda to come back to Canada to study at Crandall University.  But that was much more than just a high school grad heading off to university.  It was much bigger than that.  It was more like moving from one world to another.  What are some of the challenges you have faced in moving back to Canada that most people would not be aware of?

Bronwyn - It was definitely a big, multidimensional transition!  One of the most noticeable things about North American culture that has been challenging for me is the materialistic and consumerism-focused mentality that pervades all areas of life here.  Even in small things, such as ordering food or a drink at a café, there is so much focus on having exactly what you want, how you want it.  And on a much larger scale, the predominant drive in North America is to have more, to buy more, to do more.  A second challenge is being in a place that has so much and where so much is readily available.  While it is a blessing to be in such a situation, it can be difficult to not become cynical and constantly view things with a critical lens.

After being a unit as a family through so many moves & transitions, it was obviously very difficult to be away from my family.  Perhaps the way I noticed this most, especially in my first semester (but even still today too), was not being able to “go home for the weekend.”  It was really hard to not have my place that I could retreat to for a couple days and recharge to face life again.  Interestingly, throughout the years, it is has not been the physical distance that has been the hardest to deal with; it has been the time difference.  Clearly, it is hard to be apart, but the time difference to Rwanda has meant that by late afternoon (when my day is slowing down), Mom & Dad are heading to bed, and during my whole evening, they are sleeping.  Not being able to communicate during those hours has been tough.

The Bustins in 2002

The Bustins in 2017

D - Your life has not been an ordinary one.  There are many people today who have travelled to different places in the world, but you have actually lived for many years in other countries.  For you that has meant facing some unique challenges.  However, in what ways has it also been an advantage or blessing for you?

B - I think in many ways it wasn’t until I was living here that I have been able to more fully appreciate the blessings I have had because of my childhood.  Three things are at the top of my list in this regard.  First, I have friends in many different countries and I’ve been able to meet amazing people all over the world.  I’ve had special friendships with different people because of our lifestyle and the way we’ve been able to relate to each other.  Second, I have an awareness and understanding of different cultures, languages, and outlooks on life.  I have a broader worldview because of where I’ve lived than I would have if I had grown up in Canada, and I’m able to relate to people in a different way.  Third, I’m more aware of the “eternal perspective” we need to have here on earth.  Knowing the hardships that many people face daily and yet also the joy with which they embrace life changes how I approach life.

Bronwyn with her friends

D - In looking back over this whole time of transition, what are some things that have helped you as you’ve adjusted to life back in Canada?

B - There have been a few specific people (both peers and mentors) who have helped me survive this transition to Canada, and I don’t think I would have survived without them!  They have let me rant and listened to me process what’s been going on for hours and hours (and read many novel-length texts) and supported me through all of the changes. 

There have been different Bible verses that have been significant to me at certain times.  (Ex. 1 Pet. 5:10; Deut 30:19-20a)

Skype has been a help, as well, both for doing video calls and texting.  In more recent times, the app Whatsapp lets us message each other (when the internet isn’t good enough to be able to use Skype). 

Reading different articles and blogposts by other MKs (missionary kids) and by people who work with them has helped me understand or verbalize some of the things I’ve gone through and helped in affirming that other MKs experience the same thing.   During my first summer back in Canada, I also benefitted from attending a special conference for MKs moving back to Canada called ReBoot.

Even though Bronwyn and Caleb and other MKs look just like their peers, it’s good to remember that there is a lot more going on within them than meets the eye.